The holidays are here and so too are thieves, snatching up packages from doorsteps. The porch pirate problem is one Matt Coats has become familiar with since moving to southeast Portland.
“It’s a crazy epidemic,” Matt said. “Feeling so violated. Like, to have somebody come up into your space and take something that’s yours.”
But this isn’t your typical porch pirate story. This one, in particular, includes some sweet, stinky, revenge.
“I had something disappear off the porch and it was really frustrating,” Matt explained. “So, I figured it would probably happen again. So, I filled up a box full of dog poop.”
That’s right. This is a story of a porch pirate, a pooch named Marlo and, well, poop.
“Packed it full, left it on the porch,” Matt said. “And I thought, ‘Well, let’s see how long it takes.’”
It only took three days. And security cameras caught the criminal in the act.
Matt said, “One of the reasons I got all the video cameras is because I knew that it wasn’t going to stop people from stealing packages, but I’d have great footage when they did do it.”
And he got plenty of it. First, you see the crook hit Matt’s neighbor’s house, stealing his holiday light projector right off the front lawn. Then he grabs Matt’s bait package before going to the other house next door. That neighbor told KGW the thief made off with $120 worth of new clothes. Matt’s package was not as expensive, but pretty priceless.
Matt didn’t get to see this Grinch’s face when he opened his special delivery but a friend texted him that it worked and found his payback package four blocks away on the street.
“I was really excited, came home, my wife had gone and picked up the box and threw it away for me,” he said.
And Matt’s not done yet. He has a few more tricks up his sleeve, like a box of Christmas tree trimmings mixed with dish soap. “This should be super annoying if it gets opened up.”
And he’s looking for a bigger box to fill with a tree stump. “Because that would be amazing, to watch somebody try to steal a tree stump,” he said.