MEDFORD, Ore. — A Medford doctor is practicing again after struggling with a serious addiction. Back in 2012, Dr. Shawn Sills lost his license after he became addicted to the pain medicine he was supposed to be using to care for his patients.
“My story just highlights the addiction can affect anybody, doesn’t matter what your background is. How good your childhood was or how bad your childhood was how your career was what your income level was and addiction can affect anybody at any time.”
From the outside looking in, Dr. Shawn Michael Sills has it all.
“I wanted to be like somebody who cured cancer, you know, that was one of my goals,” Dr. Sill said.
He worked hard to reach his goals, persevering through 26 years of schooling. He never even took a single sip of alcohol until the end of his anesthesiology residency, but that one sip changed everything.
“I love the feeling of being feeling different, and that was what kind of woke up the dragon of my addiction.”
Dr. Sills said it wasn’t until he owned his own business in the Rogue Valley, he realized he was thirsting for something more.
“I remember just being so afraid and so afraid of failure, and I remember, pulling all-nighters and coming kind of to like the point where I was running out of my own strength,” he said. “I remember, like yesterday, wondering how it would feel if I gave myself a shot of morphine.”
He did give himself that shot, and that’s when the addiction took hold of his life.
“For me as a doctor, I was very afraid to share that I was even having trouble because there’s such a stigma with addiction that if I was to ask for help other people would know and have a problem and then that would ruin my reputation and ruin my practice.”
Dr. Sills started down a path to recovery with the help of his father, but it didn’t stick.
“I was able to stay sober for about a year or two and then a couple of years later, I had the opposite problem instead of the fear of failure I was actually succeeding and doing really well”
His old habits were hard to fight.
“I’ll never forget kind of the moment where I realized I was in a lot of trouble and that’s when my dad came by and he’s like I don’t know son I guess you’re just gonna lose it all you’re just gonna lose your practice you’re going to lose your family, you’re going to lose everything.”
He almost did, Sills struggled with his addiction as his life crumbled around him, he lost his family, his license and his practice.
“I was actually close to my office, and I had given myself a pretty large dose of IV Methadone and Methadone is slow in the way that you can feel it starting to come on and get stronger, and I was feeling like I was about to pass out and like I was in a lot of trouble. My nurse was standing there and she could see me, shaking really quickly trying to gather all the supplies I remember her just kind of looking at a corner while I was going on and I disappeared to the bathroom and I started an IV on myself. I kept giving myself reversal medication for about an hour to try to make sure that I didn’t overdose”
It was that moment, Dr. Sills says he knew it was time to turn his life around. He was quickly losing all the things he had worked so hard for, and it was time to get help, but he didn’t have to do it alone.
“My nurse knew I was in trouble and so she started another arm of help, and that arm was to call the health professional program, which was a diversion program for doctors and what she did is she said, dr sills is a good doctor, but he’s not himself these days.”
When he went to rehab for the second time he was forced to confront his past, and work through some of the factors fueling his addiction.
“This counselor came up and he said well, Shawn. You’re powerless over these things. I was actually free at that moment because I had to let go of the reins and I had to surrender and turn it over. That’s actually one of the first steps towards recovery is coming to that.”
Today, Dr. Sills lives in his truth. He knows he is an addict and he’s powerless to that addiction. He’s working hard at his recovery and is no longer afraid to reach out for help.
“This disease is a disease that takes you out if you isolate and if you’re alone,” he said.
He doesn’t hide from his past, knowing his story can help others.
“I make sure that I’m part of the recovery community and I go to recovery meetings and I hang out with other people in recovery, it’s something that has to permeate your life.”
Dr. Sills realizes his chance of relapse is high as an anesthesiologist, but he puts in the work every day knowing he has nothing to be ashamed of and that real change is possible once you choose it for yourself.
“If I could overcome, if I can find recovery, I think anybody could find recovery.”
If you are struggling with addiction, know there is help available but it’s up to you to take that step.
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